You already know that your parenting style is either more permissive or more authoritarian than some of your friends’ styles. But did you know that your general approach to parenting could greatly influence your child’s diet and eating habits?

I’m not sure I ever really thought of it that way, but it makes sense. Extremely authoritarian parents probably don’t let their kids slide with eating half a chicken nugget and then moving along to dessert. Very permissive parents are less likely to stress a ton about what their kids eat, as long as they’re eating something. (Yes, I’m sure there are exceptions.)

Experts are now suggesting that neither extreme is particularly productive when it comes to instilling healthy eating habits in our children. Better is the authoritative parent — the one in the middle. She is more likely, they say, to have children who eat more balanced meals because she uses positive reinforcement and sets a good example with her own diet, which therefore lowers her children’s risk of childhood obesity.

Well, I have to admit that my diet isn’t the greatest in the world, and I probably err on the side of permissive parenting at times. Maybe if I crack down on my own eating habits, my children will eventually adopt those new, healthier standards as they get older?

In sum, the researchers conclude that that efforts to control childhood obesity need to consider family dynamics.

Posted by Sunshine.

At least one woman says it does. Hara Estroff Marano, editor-at-large of Psychology Today, claims that our heavily invasive parenting methods make life too easy for our children, who then don’t learn normal coping strategies. Then, she argues, when they do face problems down the road, they break down because they never learned to deal with the conflicts that arise in adult life.

From her book: Behold the wholly sanitized childhood, without skinned knees or the occasional C in history! Kids need to learn that you need to feel bad sometimes. We learn through experience, and we learn especially through bad experiences. Through disappointment and failure we learn how to cope.

She also states that parents rush to have their kids labeled so they can receive interventions instead of learning to work around issues, and that play is undervalued as a normal tool for social development (like learning self-control).

On that last point, we agree. The rest, I’m not so certain I buy. Yes, there are advantages to not giving your kid everything he wants; he learns patience and moderation. Disappointments are a normal part of life, and I don’t think kids should be shielded from every single one of them.

But I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that I don’t want to see my kids hurting, even if I know it’s a normal part of life. It’s hard not to jump in and immediately fix everything. And where do you draw the line?

Thoughts? Are we really screwing up our kids by being too involved?

Posted by Sunshine.

As my son will turn a year old this weekend, I’ve found myself reflecting back over this past year (what a year it was!). I think I learned at least as much from having two children as I did when I went through my first year with my daughter! So I thought that other moms of two might get a smile from some of the lessons I’ve learned so far, and hopefully they won’t scare any moms expecting their second child soon!

1. The tips and tricks you learned with your first child might not work at all with the second one. With my daughter, all I ever had to do to get her to stop doing something was to look sternly at her. My son has to be bodily removed from the situation. Things like that can be not-so-fun surprises, but it’s ok — you just invent new strategies, and then you have twice as many options for dealing with each kid!

2. Multitasking is your best friend. Don’t refill the sippy cup for one kid and then pop lunch for the second in the microwave. Get the microwave going, then fill the sippy in that 20-30 second window. It sounds stupid, but little timesavers like that can add up (and leave you not feeling quite so stressed by all of the little things that crop up when all you want to do is sit down and eat too).

3. The timing of milestones is just going to be different. There are a lot of factors at work. Boys and girls tend to mature differently and reach certain milestones at different times, for one thing. I also had to keep in mind, as my son did most things noticeably earlier than my daughter, that there was a month’s difference in their gestational ages at birth. He was born stronger.

4. You might have a favorite kid at any given moment — but it changes. I’m sorry to say it, but there are moments when I vastly prefer the company of one of my children over the other. Usually it’s whoever isn’t screaming or whining in my ear! It’s normal and it passes.

5. Yes, you can love each child as much as you loved your first when you only had one kid. And watching them interact (when they’re not trying to kill each other) is more than worth the rough moments.

Posted by Sunshine.

That’s not funky punctuation on my part. We Can! is a new national program designed to put the brakes on America’s rising obesity rates in children. We Can! (short for Ways to Enhance Children’s Activity and Nutrition) is a partnership between the National Institutes of Health and the Association of Children’s Museums.

This program focuses on several lifestyle changes (such as portion control and daily exercise routines) that, when accomplished together, can lead to much healthier weights for kids and an increased activity rate, both of which have enormous benefits across the board. Bad habits in childhood often stick with people right on into adulthood, and before you know it, you’re an overweight, sedentary adult with big health problems. The best time to curb unhealthy habits is during childhood, before they’re so deeply ingrained.

We Can! can be a model for overcoming the challenges of childhood obesity and overweight, [acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Admiral Dr. Steven K.] Galson said. “Its partnerships are demonstrating how physical activity and sound lifestyle choices can make a difference and how communities can work together to make those lifestyle choices real,” he said.

We Can! is an education program to help children aged 8 to 13 years old to maintain a healthy weight. It’s being implemented in more than 450 communities in 44 states.

The newest cities in the program are Boston, Las Vegas, and Pittsburgh.

A full third of American adults are overweight. Let’s do something now so that our kids won’t follow in our too-heavy footsteps.

Posted by Sunshine.

I went to a huge family function Sunday (for a branch I haven’t kept up with very well), and was delighted to spot a distant relative who has always been a good friend of mine. But after the hellos and how are yous, I found myself grasping at straws to keep the conversation going. He doesn’t have kids, and I realized with dismay that talking about parenting stuff wouldn’t be nearly as interesting to him as it is to me.

No diaper disaster tales to exchange…no humorous kiddie anecdotes to trade…no parental angst to share…what else is there? Have I really fallen so out-of-touch with the non-parenting world? What on earth did I talk about before?

Then my brain shrugged off its lethargy, and I found myself asking him about his work, about his upcoming marriage, about his plans for the future. And he, in turn, asked intelligent questions about my life (and not just the kid part - about my own dreams and plans). We had plenty of catching up to do, and the hours flew by. What do you know - I am more than a mom, even when I don’t feel like I am!

In a few years, maybe we’ll be able to share parenting anecdotes, too.

Have you ever found it difficult to talk to old friends who don’t have kids, or does the switch from kid-centered to adult-centered conversation come easily to you?

Posted by Sunshine.

No, that’s not some plea for dirty comments.

The ’sex talk’ I mean is the ‘birds and bees’ conversation of old. You know, The Moment when you tell your kids where babies really come from, and how they get there. A new study shows that the big talk should really be more of an ongoing discussion.

“It’s important that parents set a foundation early on in talking with their kids about sex so that it becomes part of the norm in their household,” said study lead author Steven Martino, a behavioral scientist at RAND in Pittsburgh. “As children grow and have experiences, you want them to feel it’s natural to talk to their parents. When asked where they’d like to get their information, kids say from their parents more than anyone else.”

I don’t remember feeling that way as a teen. Hmm.

The study followed hundreds of teens and their parents. The families were divided into two groups. One group of parents completed a course in how to keep a discourse on sex and related topics open with your child; the other group did not.

Follow-up surveys were completed at one week, three months and nine months after the intervention began. The surveys were designed to assess 22 sex-related topics, such as the consequences of sex, how to make decisions about when to have sex, how to say no if you didn’t want to have sex, how well condoms prevent sexually transmitted diseases, and more.

[W]hen teens and their parents had more conversations — repetition — teens reported feeling closer to their parents and felt they could talk more openly with their parents about sex and other topics.

Go figure - the more you talk about something, the less taboo it becomes.

While I obviously haven’t been a parent long enough to encounter this situation, I can’t imagine making sex as closed-off a topic as it was during my adolescence. My parents basically told me, “Don’t do it before you’re married - premarital sex is a sin,” and left it at that. I didn’t follow their advice, such as it was, and I hope I can create a more informative, open atmosphere for conversations on sex when my kids are old enough to be curious. I’d love to not have to think about my kids having sex until they’re 40, but since that’s not rational, I’d still rather them come to me than shut me out.

Posted by Sunshine.

Sex Education - It appears to be working. A government survey shows that teens that have had some sort of sex education were more likely to wait longer before loosing their virginity. And boys surveyed who received sex ed were less likely to have started having sex at all. Also promising is that there are improvements in urban and African American respondents - areas where there are higher cases of pregnancy and STD’s.

Showing favoritism? You can’t possibly love one child more than the other… right? Well, apparently beetles can. Scientists have spent a lot of time studying these little critters and have proven that they tend to favor the eldest child. Certainly we humans are more fair than they are, right? File this one with the other “and why do they research this?” items. (via EurikAlert)

“Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat…” I have been singing that song in my head a lot the past two weeks. Ever since my husband announced he ordered one from the butchers for Christmas dinner. I have been endlessly fretting about how to cook the darn thing, and lamenting why, oh why, a goose. So, in the spirit of the season, I again went to my keyboard to discover that:

The goose is a tradition that goes back to mythological times when there were geese gods and the bird was eaten for grand occasions. From those ancient ritualistic times to more modern days (think old world), geese, with their migratory patterns, appeared and were available at the winter time of year and were eaten at ceremonial events such as Christmas and winter solstice. Even later on in North America, the turkey came to replace the goose in these events, possibly because of American Indian influence - they linked turkeys to the sun.

OK that is somewhat interesting, but still does not solve my problem of how to cook it! Suggestions?

Five shopping days left - good luck everyone!

Ever wondered what makes certain toys so appealing to little kids, while others just gather dust? With Christmas a week away, most of you who celebrate the winter holiday have already finished your shopping - but for those like me, who procrastinated until the last possible moment, here are some toy-buying tips to ensure that your gift to little Johnny isn’t tossed aside at first glance:

Posted by Sunshine.

So, when do you become a grown up? Both kids and parents agree that these days, people don’t usually reach adulthood until their mid-20’s. Kids are taking their time, and high school graduation, or even college graduation, does not mean that a person has established themselves, both mentally and in their lifestyle, to be an adult. This phase is being called “emerging adulthood”:

“Emerging adults do things, such as travel and trying out different kinds of jobs, that they couldn’t have done as adolescents and won’t be able to do as adults.”

Some kids tend to flounder through this, and parents realise that there is not too much they can do to influence their children’s decision. Which is think it not so bad - because if mommy and daddy always made it better, would a child ever grow up?

So what makes a person “grown-up”?

Driving a car safely at the speed limit?
Not driving drunk?
Having a career?
Having children?
Being financially independent from your parents?
Being emotionally stable?

I am not sure. I do kind of wish this had been identified when I was a young adult. I wonder if I would have taken more time to do silly things before pushing myself into college and a career. But there is one thing I do hope - that my own kids have it together not to stay in the nest too long. Because I have to admit I am kind of looking forward to having a bit of “me time” someday…

Posted by Meganlux

As we all wake from our tryptophan-induced comas (those of us who celebrated Thanksgiving, anyway), let’s reflect on what the big holidays mean to us. What will they mean to our children?

It’s easy to get swept up in the tide of commercialism, especially around Christmastime. As parents, we need to make sure that our kids are seeing the big picture - not just round after round of food and gifts.

HealthDay offers these tips to help us make holidays meaningful for the kids:

• Create traditions in the family that your children can look forward to. Talk about why it’s important to have traditions, and which ones are their favorites.
• Encourage children to volunteer, and to make donations and gifts for those who are less fortunate.
• As a family, make homemade gifts to give to friends and family members. Help your children understand that a gift doesn’t need to be something that’s bought from a store.
• Don’t let yourself get stressed during the holidays. Let your children see that it’s a time to enjoy spending together as a family. (I’ll let you know if I ever figure out how to remain stress-free during the biggest holidays of the year!)

What does your family do to celebrate the holidays in ways that outlast the turkey and the fat guy laden with presents?

Posted by Sunshine.