Hold Off on that Date? Sociologists out of Johns Hopkins caution that the more household transitions children go through (via divorce, remarriage, etc.), the more likely they are to have behavioral problems. Multiple transitions within a family were associated with increases in vandalism, theft and truancy. The study found a stronger association between transitions and acting out with white children than with black children, perhaps because the black children were more likely to have extended family nearby to provide some stability.

Sigh: A new study featured in the current issue of Science magazine finds that elementary school classrooms in the U.S. are on the whole not providing high-quality teaching and learning opportunities for children. There is little small-group instruction, and most time is spent by the students in passive learning activities. Oddly enough, having an advanced degree, years of experience, or a “highly qualified” rating by state and federal guidelines appears to have little to do with the quality of the instructional environment teachers create in their classrooms.

Royal Baby: Via Celebrity Baby Blog, the King of Morocco and his wife, Princess Salma, recently posed with their new baby Princess Lalla Khadija and son Prince Moulay Hassan.

When I could not sleep late one night last week, I started flipping through the channels on the TV. There wasn’t much on, but something on the WE (Women’s Entertainment) network caught my attention. It is called the Secret Lives of Women. This series has covered such topics as women who are married to cross dressers, fetishes, and robbing the cradle, but this episode was about swinging. And no, it’s not swinging at the playground.

I have been trying to figure out why this show drew my attention, and I think it was the curiosity factor. Sort of like when people slow down and strain their necks to see what happened at the scene of an accident, yet they are glad they are not the ones in the accident. Watching the show, which followed three different couples through their swinging lifestyle, I tried to understand, but I just don’t get it.

Here’s Bertha, one of the women on the show:

I want the rest of the world to see that “swingers” are not what they imagine. We are everyday people. We have children, grandchildren, jobs, and businesses. We take our kids to soccer games, go to the movies, and celebrate holidays with family. I hope that people will open their mind, just a little, to listen to what I have to say about sex and sharing partners. I am not doing this to persuade people to join us. Most of all, I would like people to know that swingers are their next door neighbors.  There are more of us than they realize.

(more…)

Speaking of faking a smile…from WikiHow, tips on detecting falsehoods. 

One giveaway is the forced smile, which only involves the mouth, while a real smile gives you crow’s feet.

Real smile:

Fake smile:

Note:  A fake smile can actually be a real smile impaired by Botox.  You might want to ask the person if he or she has had the procedure before making any accusations.  You might wind up with a black eye, but nothing ventured… 

Watch the hands:  They may touch the face, nose, or behind the ear, but a person who is lying will NOT touch his chest with an open hand.

Listen for “too much information”.

A person may be lying if he uses less eye contact than usual and blinks a lot.

In speaking, a person who is lying is more likely to repeat your exact words in answering your questions and to use a monotonous tone.  He or she is also more likely to leave out pronouns and less likely to use contractions (that’s odd!).

Someone who is not telling the truth will also be uncomfortable with silence, so throw in some pauses and see what happens.

Use these tips with caution, naturally.

Posted by MommaSteph

A new study by a professor at the London School of Economics and Political Science purports to show that beautiful couples are more likely to give birth to girls.  Satoshi Kanazawa based his study on data collected from interviews with over 2,900 young parents.  All were ranked by interviewers for attractiveness on a scale of one to five (”very unattractive” to “very attractive”).  Kanazawa found 56% of those babies born to “very attractive” parents were girls, while in the other groups only 48% of all babies were girls.

Why should this be?  Kanazawa believes that evolutionary forces are at work.  If the parents have a trait that increases the chances of reproductive success for girls (physical attractiveness), they’re more likely to have a girl.  The same goes for boys:  aggressive, high-status parents are more likely to have boys because, theoretically, they’ll have the smarts to outwit the competition when it comes to snagging a mate.

Kanazawa notes that this means that over time women should be evolving to be more attractive than men.  His data support this theory:  52% of the women sampled were rated “very attractive” compared to 42% of the men.   Presumably, the same would hold true for the male traits favorable for reproduction:  Men should be becoming more aggressive and likely to pursue high status.

Well, first off, I’d like to see who was doing the evaluating, and according to what guidelines.  And what happens one partner is beautiful and the other aggressive?  Which evolutionary drive wins out?  And in a million years, are we all going to look like the couple above?  If that’s the case, let’s just turn the planet over to the Meek-Moks now.

Posted by MommaSteph

As a follow-up to our discussion of the male geek’s appeal, here’s an article in USA Today discussing the pressure 16 to 25 year-old women feel to be perceived as both smart and sexy. Of the 1,000 young women surveyed:

[f]ifty-four percent said they’re feeling pressure about their future and anxiety about their body image. They want to look “hot”, a catchword often used by celebrity heiress Paris Hilton, but they also want to be viewed as smart and independent. They look forward to their 30s, when they believe their anxiety will lessen.

Good news, ladies. At least in my peer group, stress over body image - over image period - did lessen significantly when we all hit our 30s. But how well I remember those feelings of inadequacy, even when I was, by objective measures, reasonably good-looking and by some measures successful. My self-image was about as sturdy as a house of cards. I was certain that underneath it all, I was a fraud, just trying to fit in with the other twenty-somethings.
And there’s nothing particularly hot about that. In fact, my insecurities made me a magnet for jerks and luuusers.

I often fantasize about reliving those years with a much healthier attitude - not caring so much what people thought of me, not worrying about those five pounds I wanted to lose, just exploring the world around me and pursuing my interests. Oh to have the wisdom of a thirty- or forty- something and the body of a twenty-something. It does happen. It just didn’t happen to me.

Synovate, the research organization that conducted this survey, is planning a parallel study to look at how similar pressures are experienced by young men. Stay tuned.

Posted by MommaSteph

I’ve been thinking about geek appeal since I read Meganlux’s post on Steve of Blue’s Clues. (Check him out, even hotter as a cerebral rocker.) I’ve always had a thing for the geeky guy, from Dr. Who (not all of the incarnations, mind you) to Gary Newman to John Malkovich.

Many women I know are likewise drawn to the nerdier of the male species. I’ve heard different explanations for this - geeks try harder, they’re more attentive, they’re grateful for female attention, etc. etc. Nonsense. Women like geeks because they’re smart, and smart is sexy. The fact that they are generally good at romance is not due to their gratitude (most geeks I know get along just fine during dating dry spells - they have a boatload of programming to get to); it’s because it’s in the geek nature to pay attention to details.

Case in point…On Friday, while I was walking the kids on a nearby college campus, a fellow caught my eye. He could have been cast as a movie extra as “Somewhat Geeky Chemistry Professor”. He was strolling, presumably, to a morning seminar, when he suddenly stopped, opened his backpack, and removed and put on his iPod headphones. Then he broke into a jog for approximately ten seconds. Then he resumed his former pace.

I just KNOW that he had timed his morning commute from the dorm to his class to the second, without planning for the gear retrieval delay, so the truncated jog was his way of compensating.

Sigh. Made my heart go pitter pat! So long as it’s permissible for a married woman to surreptitiously look at other men (it is, isn’t it?), I’ll be scoping out the geeks.

Posted by MommaSteph

How nice…

The guest blogger for On Balance this week shares the tribulations of single-parent dating - how to navigate Match.com, where to find nice single, Jewish men, how much to tell her daughter, when to schedule coffee dates.

Right off, she gets slammed by a commenter:

Rachel sounds like she still doesn’t get it. After being irresponsible in the first place by getting pregnant by her bipolar, alcoholic boyfriend, she’s still too focused on being single and “getting the guy.” …Her daughter is two, for goodness sake! Rachel needs to wait much longer before she starts dating again.

Funny, this commenter chose the handle “Getyourdates right”.  How about “Getyourfacts straight” - the blogger clearly stated that her daughter is five, not two.  Is that long enough to wait?  How can she contact you to find out?

A few comments down:

“The day the stigma disappeared from out of wedlock birth was sad day for this country.”

Lesson learned:  Best to beat a retreat from the world, Hester Prynne-style, if you carry a baby to term out of wedlock.  Had this woman terminated her pregnancy, she would have been fit for decent company.

OK, OK, I admit this gal doesn’t sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer (how did she hook up with her bipolar, alcoholic baby-daddy, whom she is glad to be rid of “in hindsight”, in the first place?).  But in the anonymous world of the blogshpere, it sure does seem as though there are a lot of folks who have lived blameless lives.  Good for them, I suppose.

Posted by MommaSteph