Last week my son was “sentenced” to two days out of swimming practice. To him it felt like someone has died. I still had to go to swimming practice with my older son so he got to watch all his friends getting in the pool. He also had to explain why he wasn’t with them. It has something to do with following instructions. I watched from outside and stayed out of the situation because when my son is in the water he is no longer my son; he is property of the instructor and his team.

When he was all crappy and crying, a mother came to me and said: “Oh my, you should give him some good discipline. My kids will not do something like that. They know that they must respect their instructor. My kids are very good kids. You should try to control him.” At this point I was speechless and mad. How can anybody say something like that? My son is seven years old and a very sincere and outgoing kid. He will speak whatever is on his mind and people love to spend time with him. He may need some discipline and that is fine with me. What child doesn’t need discipline? But to accused him of being disrespectful (he was not ) is something that simply annoys me.

Discipline can be a very challenging milestone for every parent. Whatever the age of your child, it’s important to be consistent when it comes to discipline. Rules and consequences have to be established from the beginning so kids will know what to expect. Parents should know that giving discipline to your kids is giving them the ability to guide themselves to become better people.

We also need to understand that we can’t label kids. We tend to see a child and just figure out how he is going to react to a situation. “If he treats his mother like he’ll probably end up in jail.” Whether we like it or not, parents tend to compare kids’ behavior. If some discipline strategy works for a child it does not mean it will work with the other. According to About.com:

Child experts indicate that there are some common basics of effective discipline. Here are techniques to try:

1. Consistency is the Key- Since everyone has a different parenting/caregiver style, it’s not practical to say all discipline should be consistent all the time. Do try, however, to instill consistent rules, approaches, and even goals and rewards each day. Kids can find change or inconsistencies confusing, and may test limits or boundaries to see how far they can go with different adults.
2. Seek Out the “why”of Misbehavior- If you take time to seek out the “why” to the behavior rather than just the action itself, you might be closer to figuring out your child’s problem (at least this one).
3. Avoid Power Battles - Choose your battles very carefully, but once you’ve picked a battle then a parent/adult MUST win. Always. Only address those issues that are truly important (safety is always a key battle) and let some things go. If possible, offer choices while still setting reasonable limits. But if an issue is important, experts indicate it’s vital that a parent not cave and give in to a child, even “just this once.” If you do this, then every time this issue comes up again, your child will know that you might change your mind.
4. Emphasize and Praise Good Behavior - If the behavior won’t cause harm, then an effective disciplinary approach often involves praising good behavior and rewarding it through hugs, high-fives or special activities (like a trip to the park), while ignoring bad behavior. This is easier said than done, but a child will learn that good actions result in more positive attention and praise while bad behavior gains her nothing.
5. Keep Your Cool- Kids often enjoy seeing a rise out of an adult; blowing your top can be interesting to watch and kids sometimes see your loss of control as a victory for them. Keep calm and in control, and if necessary, tell your child you’re taking a brief “time out” to assess the situation and appropriate consequence before taking action. Kids will often take advantage of a frazzled, mad, or emotional adult; don’t give them this opportunity. If you do mess up, learn from the experience, and take another measure to keep yourself calm, cool and collected the next time (and there will be one!).
6. Seek Out Discipline Supporters - When someone else is watching your child, be sure to communicate discipline style and request the caregiver adopt a similar fashion. Likewise, if you do not believe in a certain approach (like spanking or a time-out chair), be sure to indicate that to a babysitter or early education teacher as well. If checking out a new day care or pre-school, take time to ask about disciplinary approach. Many parents find that if they match their approach to what methods are used at a child’s care setting, the results become more effective. The reason may be that kids respond to discipline tactics that are used with their peers.

My son is back in the pool. The most precious thing about childhood is that most of the time kids simply forget about bad moments. Kids have the ability to let it go and most times they just don’t judge people. My son smiled at everyone (even the mother that made the comments) and was a happy kid in the water.

As for me, I’m trying to learn from him.

Posted by Momcrazyforkids.