I’m fairly certain that I would have been a neurotic mother no matter what age I was born in. Some of us just are. And since the overcautious mother has been a stock comic figure in literature throughout the years, I gather people like me have always been with us.

But if you feel that you are being nudged into being neurotic - that the current parenting climate is making you feel more paranoid than is natural to you or logical given your circumstances - you are not imagining things, says Nancy McDermott over at Spiked. Ms. McDermott, an advisory board member of Park Slope Parents, noticed that a prevailing sense of unease seemed to plague both her and the folks in her parents’ group, so she took the opportunity to travel to the UK for a seminar on the topic of so-called “intensive parenting”.

What is intensive parenting? Ellie Lee, senior lecturer in social policy at the University of Kent and organiser of the conference, explained that parenthood has become �highly emotionally demanding, more and more child-centred, reliant on expert guidance and so increasingly medicalised. Parenthood has also become shaped by risk consciousness, in a context where parental actions are frequently deemed potentially risky for children.� … Sociologist Frank Furedi, author of the influential critique Paranoid Parenting, argued that contemporary culture normalises parental incompetence, through its assumption that parents need ever-increasing amounts of advice and �support� in matters of everyday life, while at the same time promoting the notion that parents� actions determine everything about their child�s life, from cradle to grave.

In practice, this means that parents are under constant scrutiny from other parents, professionals and policymakers. Everything from giving birth to what we feed our children to the risks we do or don�t allow them to take in everyday life is considered a legitimate area for concern and intervention.

Funny, only yesterday I had the boys at a local market and got them each an ice cream sandwich. As they snacked, I noticed that I felt a little anxious when other parents walked by, as if I should explain to them that I don’t feed my children this way regularly. But I was completely relaxed when grandparents stopped to chat with us. On some level, I guess I figured they would view this as a sweet, old-fashioned, natural scene - little boys covered in ice cream on a hot day - but that people my age would see us through the lens of the current childhood obesity crisis. And I may have been right.

The key, I guess, is not to let these unnatural pressures turn us into unnatural parents. I’m all for seeking out advice on parenting, but that’s my personality. I like getting input when I’m coping with a problem, and often I’ve found that solutions that have worked for others work for me as well. But that doesn’t mean that I’m incompetent and in constant need of “expert” scrutiny into every nook and cranny of my family life.

And like some of the presenters at the conference who are also parents, I’m not above going my own way entirely in certain areas and lying to my children’s pediatrician about it. Switch my three-year-old to lowfat milk? Too much of a hassle to buy three kinds of milk for one family. Obsess over sunscreen? I’d rather just try to keep my boys in the shade when it’s hottest and save the chemicals for when they’re most at risk of sun overexposure. Force everyone to sleep in his own bed? Why, when lumping us all together gets us all the sleep we need?

Ms. McDermott sums it up quite nicely in her parting shot: “[D]on�t believe the hype, trust your instincts, and know that you are a better parent than the ‘experts’ could possibly know.” Hear, hear. Let’s give intensive parenting the boot. Countless generations have managed to get their kids into adulthood with relatively few lumps. Why should we be any different?

Posted by MommaSteph.